Monday, May 31, 2010

productivity

As we get closer and closer to the wedding, each weekend seems less and less like a weekend. With Mr. FP working full time, it's hard to get stuff done through the week. Especially considering the fact that he doesn't have a 9 to 5 job.

I had a small panic attack when he recently told me that his shift at work had been changed for the month of June and that he would be working 12:30 - 8:30 pm. Um, how the heck are we supposed to get anything done? was the first thing to run through my head. That was followed shortly by a mind heart attack as the concept really sank in. Thankfully, the whole ordeal ended well as he was able to find someone to switch with. I'm glad the wedding card works so well with his co-workers, otherwise I might have called his boss myself. Considering all the travel and transportation of things that needs to happen between here and the cottage before June 26th, him working until 8:30 just wasn't going to work.

So we may have avoided complete disaster, but the wedding still seems like a full time job. And when there's stuff that requires both of us, the weekends are pretty much our only option. Thankfully, we were able to make this weekend a productive one. Well, at least half of it was. Productivity wasn't really on my mind on Sunday as my mom's co-worker/family of the family threw me a bridal shower at her house. That day was full of good food, awesome people and amazing presents. We got 3 sets of dishes which we've desperately been needing since we've been using the ones my parents didn't need after they replaced their own set. They're blue and green and so, so, pretty. But not too pretty, Mr. FP reminds me. Gender neutral is key, apparently. And these are perfect. And with matching placemats, napkins, centerpiece and wine glasses, we're going to have to throw a dinner party or two sometime soon.

While I was "busy" at the shower, the boy was left to his own devices. Remember that list Mr. FP started? Well, he crossed off nearly half of the items on Sunday. Albeit, things get added every day, but it was still a big accomplishment. He was able to pick up his suit, hire a musician for the ceremony, confirm delivery for the rentals and visit with his "best lady".

But the best news of all from this weekend is that we got to see our venue! After months of being closed, the cottage was opened for the season last month. And with the amazing weather we've been having lately, things are progressing much faster as far as nature goes this year. Flowers are in full bloom and the grass is perfectly green which often doesn't happen until mid-June. We were nervous about seeing the property because, after all the rain last summer, the ground had been turned basically to mush and mud. Obviously, that wouldn't make such great conditions for a wedding ceremony, so I spent the winter praying that the ground would be solid enough for the wedding to work. Thank goodness it worked out and the ground is as solid as it should be, so we have our choice of locations for the ceremony.




{click images to enlarge}

Right now, we're debating whether or not we want to keep it closer to the cottage or right next to the beach. The beach would provide an awesome backdrop for photos, but if it's particularly sunny that day, our guests will have no shade. On the other hand, I'm worried that the area closer to the cottage won't provide enough lighting for good photos at 3 in the afternoon when the ceremony is scheduled. Clearly, that's a question for our pretty photographer, so we'll see.

For the moment though, we're just content in knowing that we won't have to sport rubber boots along with our wedding attire!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

a racehorse for a husband

As I mentioned in my last post, I am a list maker. Lists keep me calm in times of stress because for me, there's something soothing about seeing everything I have to do compiled into a little list. It may only be psychological, but lists simplify the craziness in life. And this has definitely been the case for the wedding. I currently have 4 to-do lists going. They range everywhere from "things to buy" to "things to make" to "things that need to get done this week". It's a finely honed system that I've perfected throughout the insane process of planning final papers and exams for university.

So clearly, I'm a list person.

Mr. FP, on the other hand, is not. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him make a list. Since he went directly from living with his parents to living with me, most of the lists he's been involved in have been made by me. Although he doesn't make them himself, he's an excellent list follower, and I personally believe that it's how he works best. Maybe it's a little of my Type A rubbing off on this 100% Type B man, but he now loves lists. Seeing everything that needs to get done, whether it's the weekly grocery run or a packing list for vacation, seems to help him focus and eases the frustration that comes when things get forgotten.

So, although I never thought I'd be one of "those brides" who assigned her groom with specific tasks, we made a wedding to-do list for him today. Unlike one of "those brides", however, there was a discussion behind the creation of the list and in no way, shape, or form did I simply assign him with things and tell him to go at it. For the most part, the list is compiled of things that he would've been handling by himself anyway. Things like getting a musician, picking up his suit and making sure the guys have something to wear are his areas of expertise anyway. In spite of this, however, many of the things that we knew he'd take care of haven't been getting done in recent weeks.

Yesterday, I realized why.
During one of our many "what has to get done before the wedding discussions", he seems overwhelmed as I brought up things that he's completely forgotten about. Key word being "forgotten". He had every intention of getting this shtuff done but he's a notorious forgetter.

In the beginning of our relationship, I used to think he intentionally didn't do things and simply blamed his lack of productivity on his memory. For a Type A organizer like me, it was impossible to understand how things didn't get done simply because he forgot about them. I mean, HOW could he forget about something critical like picking up some milk on his way home from work?!?

After many incidents and many discussions, I soon realized that we just think different ways. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Well, duh". I know, I know, that's such an obvious conclusion to make. But his unique personality isn't something that I'd ever encountered in my life, or at least, I hadn't encountered it as intimately as I did with him. Looking back on it, I feel insanely guilty for being upset when he simply forgot. And I'll tell you why. With the help of a simply analogy. For me, it's easy to remember all the tasks I need to complete, multitasking comes easy to me.

He, on the other hand, is a racehorse. Like a racehorse with blinders, he sees one thing in front of him and its usually the thing that's most memorable while everything else on the side gets forgotten. I might ask him to stop at the grocery store for milk, the post office for stamps and then to pick up some dinner before heading home. Thus far, you can guarantee that the dinner will be secure and that he'll come home, but I guarantee you either the milk or the stamps will be forgotten. Pick one, any one. It doesn't matter, but it will be at least one. Like a racehorse, he sees what's directly in front of him.

As frustrating as this can be, the solution is simple: give the man a list and he'll pass with flying colors. Don't ask me why it took me so long to realize that this simple rule applies to the wedding as well, because I have no idea how it only happened yesterday. But boy, oh boy, am I thankful it came to me when it did. Because since then, he's been checking off things like a mad man. Which, in the last month (eeek!) before the wedding, is the real blessing in this whole mess.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

wedding-planning induced nightmares

Ugh, remember when I said that being done school would free up more of my time so I could be a better blogger? Well, I lied. A big fat huge lie is what that was.

Things have been crazy around here. Crazy but productive. All those little details that I had so much time to think about when I started blogging back in December are taking up 95% of my time. Thankfully, this means that we've been able to cross tons of stuff off our wedding to-do list. Things like the cupcake tower, cake topper, registry at Sears and the program layout that have been hanging over our heads are well on their way to completion. And let me tell you, it's a satisfying experience to open up our wedding to-do list online and see more things crossed off as each day goes by.

Amid all this productive activity though, I have become a crazy person. Details run through my head all day and when it comes to sleep, the wedding has begun to invade my dreams.

Yep, that's right. I'm dreaming of our wedding.

But not in a good way.

It started simple enough way back when as one of the first dreams involved a groom who didn't show up because he forgot what time the wedding was. Simple, right? Most brides dream about a groom-less wedding. Perfectly normal.

Unfortunately, that was the tip of the iceberg. Since then I've had more disturbing dreams. And the disturbing nature of these dreams continues to rise as we get closer to the big day. Here's a few of my favorites:

1) My dress arrives and it's an odd shade of gold. To make matters worse, it's covered in tiny holes which causes it to bear an uncanny resemblance to Swiss cheese. Plus, it has a hood. Yep, a hood. Pockets on a wedding dress are one thing, but a hood?!

2) My brother, who is doubling as a groomsmen, shows up in Renaissance themed clothing after being instructed to buy a simple pair of black pants and a white shirt. Turns out poofy sleeves and tights aren't that flattering on him.

3) Having forgotten to get directions to the cottage/wedding venue, our photographer isn't able to show up until half way through the reception. And although we recognize her absence before the ceremony even begins, we never put two and two together and ultimately fail to ask any one else to photograph anything.

4) The flowers are picked up from the florist but they're entirely the wrong color and completely different from the types we wanted. In spite of this, I decide to take the time to make the bouquets instead of asking the florist to fix the problem.


For the most part, these dreams are motivated by my worry that we won't get everything done on time because we 1) forget or 2) run out of time. Things like not giving directions to the photographer and double checking flower choices with the florist are just two of the thousands of details that consume my brain lately. Thankfully, our photographer is a genius and I don't much care for flowers anyway.

But even so, you know you could well on your way to some trouble when your subconscious is screaming at you like mine is. This is what to-do lists are for. Actually, I should change that. This is what insanely detailed to-do lists are for. For the past couple of days I've begun writing every minor detail I can think of so nothing gets forgotten. Everything from pens for our guest book to scoops for the candy buffet.

Now, realistically, this is a ton of bull. I will forget something. Things that we wanted probably won't come to fruition. As micromanage-y as the list sounds, it's my only saving grace. It gives me an outlet through which I can find a small sense of comfort because amid all the wedding craziness that is bound to happen within the next month, at least I know I won't forget the most important of things.

Do I think it'll allow me to achieve wedding perfection? Um, hell no. But I'm a list maker by nature, so at least it'll help me stay organized and give me ever-busy brain a couple hours of rest. Which is exactly what I'll be needing one day soon, I'm guessing.

There's also one more thing that provides me with a small bit of comfort amidst all this craziness... the wedding-planning induced nightmare have also begun to infect Mr. FP's brain. He had his first one last month. Misery loves company.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

judgemental judiths

After reading a post from Cupcake Wedding and the comments which ensued, I got to thinking about how much pressure is placed on brides during a wedding.

I know, I know, you're thinking "Well, duh, of course there's tons of pressure! It's a wedding!". But hear me again: think about how much pressure is placed on brides during a wedding. Not the couple, the bride.

As Cupcake discussed the aesthetics of her wedding, I got to thinking about how worried I am about the aesthetics of ours and how judgmental will be. Like Cupcake says, chances are, the judgement of others will fall upon the bride instead of the couple. As I've discussed before, the all-too-common assumption that the bride is the only one who really cares about the wedding bugs me. A lot. And this is especially true for the aesthetics of a wedding. The majority of people in society assume that the groom had little to nothing to do with the decor selections featured in a wedding. So, if the decors sucks, who do they blame? Yep, you guessed it, the bride.

Coming from a judgmental/gossip-y family, this concerns me. Some aunts have already expressed their resistance to the fact that the wedding will be held at the family cottage. Some have a problem with cupcakes instead of cake. And others are concerned about my desire to do my own hair and makeup. So I can only imagine what kind of crap I'll have to deal with when the wedding actually happens. I can practically already hear the judgments.

On the other hand, Mr. FP remains unaffected by these worries. No surprise there because he doesn't think about things nearly as much as I do. Yet, it's more than that. Even if he were one of those grooms who was concerned with the aesthetics of the wedding, chances are he wouldn't have to hear about it. Aunts wouldn't harass him with questions about decor or wardrobe. People simply don't trace poor aesthetic choices back to the groom.

And it stinks. Because although he's not as concerned about decor as I am, the wedding will reflect joint decisions. Universally so, in fact. I don't think there's been a single decision made that wasn't preceded by a discussion. Hell, I even got his input on what kind of veil I should wear and how I should wear my hair. Does he worry about these things like I do? No. But he was there. He helped make the decision but at the end of the day, he'll be absolved of any guilt.

Thankfully, in spite of a few judgmental family members, our wedding guests will be supportive on the whole. When I was worried about how his family would receive a wedding hosted at a summer cottage, he assured me that they would be thrilled. Similarly, our non-traditional aesthetic choices have been well received on the whole so far. Our invites were a big hit and that gives me hope that we won't have to hear as many complaints as I initially thought.

And as much as I'd like to say that the judgements doesn't affect me in the slightest, they do. Albeit, not enough for me to conform to the standards of traditional weddings by picking a palette of 2 colors, have a traditional cake and stick with traditional decor like flowers and tulle. But still, the worries are there. Although I know it's not realistic, I'd like our guests to love our wedding as much as we do. I'd like them to enjoy the day and forget about the colors, the decor and the location. *Sigh*, in a perfect world...

Monday, May 17, 2010

here I sit, drooling over footwear

I am not a heel wearer in my everyday life so I don't plan to become one for the wedding. A combination of the outdoor venue and my desire to be 100% comfortable forbids it.

Which is why I'm both elated and depressed to have discovered Etsy seller norakaren and her amazing creations. These puppies desperately make me want to convert to heel wearing. Tons of her shoes are perfect for weddings and particularly so for the bride who isn't afraid of color.




Narrowing it down to only 4 photos for this post was the hardest thing ever. No joke. Check her out!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

ceremony script creation

After months and months of research, we're set to begin writing our ceremony within the next few days. Our minister and his wife want to meet with us ahead of time to go over our ceremony and to discuss all the details of the day so we've got to get cracking and solidify a plan on our end. Although we have a pretty good idea of what we want, putting it all together and writing out the actual words that will be spoken on the day is an enormous task. My grandmother is shocked by how much work we're putting into this part of the wedding. She mentioned to me a few weeks ago that she and my grandfather simply relied on the minister for everything regarding the ceremony. Ah, those were the days...

In spite of the fact that I would love to remove something so big as this from our to-do list, I'm thrilled that we have the opportunity to personalize every word of our wedding ceremony. The idea that we'll get to say words that mean the world to both of us is super exciting for us both. I can't imagine our ceremony being anything but what expresses us best.

On the other hand, the concept of expressing our inner most feelings for one another in front of 80 people scares the crap out of me. Thankfully, this feeling is shared by many brides, including Britt from Bowie Bride who wrote this amazing post on The Broke-Ass Bride this week.

Essentially, it expresses every thought I've ever had. I'm a private person who wants an extremely personalized ceremony because I know I'd regret having any other kind of wedding. And even though I know we're making the right choice, it's still scary.

Thankfully, we're trying to calm our nerves by taking some of the steps that Britt mentioned in her post. Instead of spending the entire night before the wedding apart, we've decided to spend both the night and morning before our wedding together. No silly superstitions here. Mr. FP's only request is that he not see me all fancified before the walk down the aisle. Translation: he'll be there all night and most of the day (since we're getting married at 3pm) before our wedding to calm my nerves. Because honestly, as much as I love my girls, he's the only one that knows how to calm me down and the only person who can make me feel truly relaxed.

I've already expressed this idea to some family and friend and I've already received some criticism, but I couldn't care less. Why would I want to have a sleepless night and a stressful morning in the hours leading up to our wedding simply because that's what tradition dictates? Oh right, I wouldn't. So we're altering tradition to fit us. Honestly, that pretty much sums up our entire wedding. Things that don't work for one or both get chucked and the rest can stay.

A few more great tips from Britt:
  • Choose your officiant wisely. Someone who can run a show, and ease tension if shiz hits the fan. Someone you have a connection with. Someone who knows you and your partner as a couple. Someone you trust.
  • Don’t get married on a stage. Instead, make the altar area as intimate as possible. There may be 150 pairs of eyes on you, but it won’t feel as intimidating if you create a space that feels like it’s just you, the one you love, and the person who’s marrying you.
  • Pick songs leading up to your processional that calm you. The song I always listen to that cools my nervous groove is “Dear Prudence” by The Beatles. Something about that song just makes me breathe easy. Choose the song that does that for you and listen to it on an iPod, or go ahead and play it for the audience before you come out.

Obviously, regardless of how many precautions we take, most of us brides will be nervous on the big day. Especially if we're having a highly personalized ceremony. But like I said before, I wouldn't have it any other way. Having traditional vows might make me slightly less nervous and I'd probably be able to maintain my composure better, but I'd rather be a blubbering mess of tears than think for one second that we didn't have a wedding ceremony that really expressed us as a couple and the love we share.

So what if I'll need to invest in $60 worth of waterproof makeup and my bridesmaids will have to stuff their dresses with kleenex? I'd say it's a worthy trade-off.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

she has returned

After 10 days in Florida, I'm finally home.

Note the lack of emphasis and enthusiasm in that sentence. I am not thrilled to be back. Not even a little. I guess I never noticed how cold it is in Canada. Okay, that's a lie. But in the past 10 days, I have adjusted to a dramatically different climate. I'm used to warming up inside. Obviously, in Florida, that gets reversed. After only a couple hours in the sun, my entire family often sought refuge in the comforting cold of the air conditioned condo we were staying in. It's a strange sensation, but one I acquired a serious love for.

Unfortunately, all great things come to an end and we're been back to reality for the past 24 hours. Which means we're back to freezing cold temperatures (in May, by the way, what's up with that?) and a wedding date which is a mere month and 2 weeks away. Scary stuff.

So scary in fact that I'm having a minor panic attack about it. And by minor, I mean major. And by major, I mean a panic attack of mega proportions. We have so much to do. So much that needs finalizing. And all the things that we've been putting off for so long can no longer be ignored. For months, we said we'd get this stuff done once school was over for me. Then we said it would wait until after Florida. Well, school has been done for 3 weeks and Florida has now come to an end, so now we're faced with this wedding list of epic proportions.

On top of this list, we have another problem: a lack of motivation. For the first time in months, I don't have to worry about school, exams, or planning a trip so I've felt like doing absolutely nothing for hours on end. I know eventually, the procrastinating devil inside me will leave, but right now, I'm praying that will happen sooner rather than later. I may work well under pressure but, unlike my term papers, a wedding isn't something that can be thrown together the night before at 9 pm.

I guess we should have eloped when we had the chance. At the tiny wedding chapel we saw as we drove through the middle of nowhere in Florida. I bet they wouldn't have given me a list of things to complete. Damn.

Friday, May 7, 2010

he's an artist...?

Not long ago, Mr. FP and I were watching an episode of Rich Bride, Poor Bride, an amazingly hilarious show in which the engaged couples spend a ridiculous amount of money on stuff they don't need. It's like a breeding ground for the wedding industrial complex. What can I say? It's a guilty pleasure.

In this particular episode, the groom was particularly involved in the wedding planning process. As in, he wouldn't let the bride get anything that she wanted without putting up a huge fight. He was in charge of the design, decor, entertainment, food etc. It went way beyond a groom who was simply involved to the point where I was suddenly thankful that Mr. FP has no desire to be that involved in the details of the wedding. In fact, the groom went as far to have a solid opinion on what style of dress the bride should wear. Actually, he sketched it out.

Could you imagine? I love Mr. FP's opinions, but if he ever told me what type of dress I had to wear, I'd quickly remove myself from the relationship. Obviously, I told him this and within seconds, he was set at sketching out what he thought my dress should look like.

The result? See for yourself.


Coming from the man who told me that he thought my wedding dress should have a train to cover my caboose, this is no surprise. What a strange boy I have.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

puttin' a ring on it

As I mentioned before, our wedding bands have arrived! I feel like it's been so long since we actually started the process of getting our rings that I'm thrilled to finally have them in hand (pun intended).

Looking back at previous posts, I realize that I haven't said a single word about what's been going on with the rings since one of my first posts, so it's time for some serious updating.

A few months ago, I came across Etsy seller fabuluster and their amazing fingerprint rings. Immediately after seeing them, both Mr. FP and myself fell in love with the idea. Although my initial reaction was apprehension because we'd obviously have to order them online without ever seeing them and I wasn't so sure that the indents from the fingerprint would feel comfortable against the skin. Luckily, I was able to address all of these concerns ahead of time and Jessica assured me that the rings would be smooth and guaranteed that we'd get what we paid for.

At that point, it was full steam ahead. Honestly, how many couples in the world have each others fingerprints on the inside of their wedding band? Um, none that I've come across. Fortunately, the idea has been garnering some serious praise and it's definitely well deserved because we could not be happier with our rings.

Not only are we saving a bundle, but we're supporting local-ish (they're only 5 hours away from us) and independent artists. Being able to constantly communicate with Brent and Jessica made the process that much easier and although I put them through hell with my indecision, we ended up with exactly what we want, so it all worked out.

The actual process was fairly easy, although time consuming since we had to ship things back and forth. The whole thing starts off with a fingerprint impression kit that we stressed over because we wanted our finger impressions to turn out perfect. Although they weren't all great, we got 4 different tries with one kit, so it ended up okay in the end. And only a few weeks after receiving our impression kit, the rings were practically done.

{click photos to enlarge}


I found it was much easier to see the fingerprint impression through the photographs of Mr. FP's ring because his is wider. The detail on the actual rings is incredible.


And because we're weird, the first thing we did after opening the box was check to make sure that the impressions match our own fingerprints so for 3 minutes, we just sat there inspecting the fingerprints. Mr. FP was convinced that mine didn't have his, but he was looking at it sideways because he's stupid like that sometimes.

Originally, we'd planned to have rings that matched exactly, but that changed after browsing through the shop. I ended up choosing a variation on this ring so mine would include diamonds & sapphires (of course) in white gold (to match my engagement ring) and Mr. FP opted for a modern design with lines in sterling silver.


I can't say enough amazing things about the whole thing. Jessica and Brent were open to practically anything. These ones worked perfectly for us, but their shop is full of a wide variety of styles so if you're in the market for some seriously unique wedding bands, I would highly recommend checking them out!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

yet another addition to the DIY list

Early in our wedding planning we decided that we didn't need programs for the ceremony. Since I'm more than capable to do them myself, we knew it would be a DIY project and I just wasn't sure I needed to add another item to the long list of DIY projects we already had going.

But in my travels through the world of wedding porn, I fell in love with the idea recently. So now we're doing programs. Thankfully, we found a ton of helpful information on how to make accordion-fold programs. And the results of Mrs. Cupcake's programs convinced me that it was doable.

It's highly likely that ours won't be anywhere near as fancy as hers, but I'm looking forward to how they'll turn out. So far, I've successfully designed and ordered the fronts and backs in the form of postcards from -- who else? -- Vistaprint.


And in my totally biased opinion, I think they turned out great. Once again, we used the cute little owls that I purchased on Etsy and the rest of the design was super simple. Like the rest of our stationery, we opted for a whimsical design that could not be farther from classical. What can I say? Our obsession with cute owls overtook us.

We're still working on what we want for the actual content, but I'm leaving it until later. If it ends up being one of those projects that gets dropped off the list, I won't be disappointed. There's tons of other DIY projects that take priority over this one.

And after I finished my design work, I decided to leave the logistics to Mr. FP since he craves opportunities to make math formulas. Yep, he's one of those guys. Weird, I know. But funny. And cute. And damn useful when it comes to the wedding because I hate math. It hurts my brain. Literally.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

groomal party attire, 1 step closer

Like I discussed here, we've finally had the time to crack down on what the "groomal party" will be wearing at the wedding. Mr. FP's suit is good to go and we were excited by the arrival of our ties from Etsy seller toybreaker.


Our communication with toybreaker was an amazing success and it was really helpful to be able to discuss some minor details before we placed our order, so I'd highly recommend them if you're looking for a great deal on some sweet ties. Or bowties. Or scarves. Yeah, I could have spent a fortune in that shop.

We love them so much that my previous concern about them being too graphic flew out the window once they arrived. In fact, because the design on Mr. FP's tie is printed on charcoal rather than solid black, the design is slightly less graphic; still awesome, but just a little more subtle. Hopefully the groomsmen will dig them too.

Monday, May 3, 2010

indifferent ingrid; that's my name, don't wear it out

As a bride, I've been told since day 1 of our engagement, that there's things for the wedding I have to do. I have to invite guests plus one, I have to choose a color palette, there has to be a first dance. Let's face it, that list goes on forever. And as a bride, I'm expected to care about each and every one of these things. As in, I'm supposed to really care about them, to the point where I know exactly what I want all the time. As far as the wedding industry is concerned, a bride cares. She cares about everything.

So what happens when a bride doesn't care about certain aspects of her wedding? Because I'm one of those brides. There are aspects of the wedding that I realize I haven't even thought of when someone brings them up. Things like food, the clothes other people will be wearing, where people sit at the reception, who gives/doesn't give a speech. These are things that I don't care about. Not even a little. I mean, I want there to be food at the wedding and it'd be nice for people to be clothed, but other than that, I could care less.

And as a bride that doesn't care about some parts of the wedding, I've learned a few things.

First of all, the wedding industry is appalled by this concept. It tries to guilt brides into thinking their wedding is going to suck if they don't micromanage every detail. As brides, we're all given a long list of what we should care about and we're expected to formulate and execute our opinions on each and every subject. It's aggravating for a bride who genuinely doesn't care. But hey, that's just the wedding industry. I can ignore it.... for the most part.

Second in the lessons I have learned through my lack of caring is that family and friends will get confused. Early in our engagement, the fact that I didn't care what shade of purple the bridesmaids were in was met with shock: "but you have to care what color they wear!".

When I asked my aunts and uncles if their young children would like to participate in the wedding, they were thrilled. This was closely followed with horror when I informed them that I didn't care what the kids actually did, I just wanted them to be involved: "what do you mean you don't know what you want them to do?"... "you have to pick a job for them".

During a conversation with my bridesmaids, the subject of their hair styles on the wedding day came up and I once again expressed my indifference. Up? Down? Curly? Straight? Um, doesn't matter to me. Silver or gold jewelery? I don't care, whatever they like. White or black shoes? I couldn't care less. Every response of indifference was met with glances of confusion and shock.

In a way, I understand these reactions. Historically speaking, brides usually care. About everything. So when people come across a bride who genuinely doesn't, it's shocking.

For me, it's natural to be indifferent to the decisions of others. As far as I'm concerned, the bridesmaids should wear what makes them happy, confident and comfortable. And as far as the kids being in the wedding, I just want them to be involved. They're my baby cousins and I love them to bits, so I want them to feel special on our big day. Whether that means they walk down the aisle, pass out programs or do a reading, it doesn't matter to us, we just want them there.

I thought my lack of caring would be a blessing to those around me. The bridesmaids would be happy, the kids would feel special and I wouldn't have to constantly worry about making decisions for others. (Hell, I have a difficult enough time making choices for myself. I don't have the time or patience to micromanage.)

But instead of this being a good thing, people just seem confused and even a little annoyed by my indifference. I understand that some people like direction for these choices, and I'm never against giving my opinion, but the final choice should not be in my hands.

Every time I doubt my indifference and think "maybe I should care about these things...", I think about the other extreme in which I tell everyone exactly what to do. People might be confused and annoyed by my indifference, but I have a sneaking suspicion I'd be met with harsher criticism if I decided to make every decision for everyone involved.

If I told my bridesmaids exactly what color dress, jewelery and shoes to wear, I'd be labeled a bridezilla and I'd run the risk of them resenting me for the choices I make. And forcing my cousins to play a particular role in the wedding would be just plain mean. One of them is shy, so I imagine she won't want to walk down the aisle with 80 people staring at her. Through my indifference I'm giving her the choice.

It seems like a good thing to me, but apparently, it makes me a bad bride.
If that's the case, lock me up because the indifference isn't going anywhere.