Friday, October 15, 2010

hi, my name is miss fp and I'm a marriage noob

Marriage. It ain't no walk in the park.

I've posted before about how, before the wedding, we didn't honestly believe that marriage would be different in most ways. Pft, we've lived together for 2 years, we've combined our lives as much as possible already. And then a mere few weeks after the wedding, we realized how completely different it really is.

We all know marriage is a few things: it's a big commitment, it's stressful (especially if you go through the process of planning a wedding beforehand), it's not something to be taken lightly.

Somehow, these realizations dawn on me more and more each day.

Sometimes I feel like a marriage pro. Sometimes he and I have conversations that end with both of us feeling like we've got this thing down. And other times, more often than not, I feel like a marriage novice. I gigantic, pathetic, marriage noob. Because it's not easy.

Taking two lives and combining them into one is a tough thing to do. A little, tiny part of me would like to return to the days where there was my life and there was his life and we took each other into consideration but ultimately made our own choices. This little part of my speaks up every time we have a difficult decision to make because making one decision for two people is a toughie. And I'm not taking about whether or not we order pad thai or pizza for supper.

A few days ago, we were going over the monthly budget and I, being the spender that I am, was not satisfied that I couldn't do what I wanted with the money in our bank account. I said something along the lines of "well, it's my life, so I can do what I want". (Childish, I know, but we all have our moments).

And you know what he said? He went all mature on me and said "no, actually, it's our life".

(Sigh) Husbands. Sometimes they're just so full of perspective at the most unfortunate of times.

And he's right. It is our life we're planning. There is no more his life, no more my life. Since the second we signed that piece of paper, it's been our life. Physically, we're two people, but in almost every other way, we may as well be Siamese twins. All the choices either of us makes from what to order for dinner to how we're going to spend our hard-earned money will ultimately affect both of us.

So occasionally I really do lament the fact that I can't be selfish. Let's face it, being selfish is fun.

But so is being married.
So is having your husband remind you that he knows that the life you're planning out is a joint effort, that you're a team and that nothing gets decided until you're both on board.

Okay, maybe it's not fun when you're having a temper tantrum that rivals that of a 3 year old, but a few hours afterward, it's pretty fun.


Lisa said...

it is certainly a learning process. i love that my life is now our life though. it does take some getting used to at times though! its good to fight though, its good to talk about things instead of keeping them bottled up!

Kristy said...

omg - we had the same conversation and i had the same bratty freak out just yesterday. "i don't care i want to go to the concert so i'm going" i think it comes from the - no one can tell me what to do - part of the brain that has been on alert all of these single years, it is a strange thing to adjust after so many years of self sufficiency to the idea of spending together, it will be an interesting learning curve for sure!

Angie said...

definitely takes a conscious effort to make that mind shift. something we still talk about and need to figure out. i agree with kristy, it's an interesting learning curve and as long as we're in the mindset that it is a learning curve, we're okay.

um, right? :)

Emily said...

It is a new experience and wonderful experience. It will takes a lot of communication but how wonderful to know you have a partner to go through all the ups and downs of life with.

Jacy said...

All of us have probably heard about the difficulty of marriage but we can never realize the truth of it unless we experience it personally. I agree with you when you said that once you have tied the union, your individual lives will suddenly disappear. For every decision you make and every step you take, you then should consider not just yourself but your partner too, and when you already have children, the more people you have to give consideration to.

badgley mischka randee said...

I can understand what you think and are feeling nowadays. But I strongly believe in, this "and they lived happily ever after their marriage" thing.

Lace.and.Likes. said...

gosh this is so wonderful. hard but wonderful.
it really takes choosing to think that way to start thinking that way
its so hard to let go of that independent individual
now you are joined at the hip
you share money, a home, my husband and i even share a car
so crazy, but so exciting.

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