Thursday, November 4, 2010

blog-worthy, shmog-worthy

Is it just me, or is this whole idea of having a blog-worthy wedding getting a little out of hand?

We went through a bit of this nonsense when were at the height of wedding planning. (Okay, I say "we", but really, I mean "me" because Mr. FP could care less about having a blog-worthy wedding. He just wanted to get hitched and eat food.)

With the hundreds of websites dedicated solely to wedding inspiration and the hundreds of others which constantly feature gorgeous "Real Weddings", the concept of having a wedding beautiful enough to be plastered all over the internet is permeating the online wedding community like never before. And it's crazy. It's stressful. It creates goals that are often unattainable for the average couple.

Given our $6,000 budget, we were never going to have a blog-worthy wedding, and eventually, we came to terms with it. Would it have been nice? Sure. But you know what was better? The fact that our wedding reflected who were really are and having a little bit of money left over at the end.

So when I see wedding blogs or other websites promoting the idea of the ideal wedding, it makes me a little nauseous. It makes me ill because I think about how pressured we were to conform to the world's idea of what a wedding really was. The idea that other couples are going to have to deal with similar pressure and stress is maddening.

When I see articles on Etsy pushing the blog-worthy wedding nonsense, I lose a little respect for a site that typically encourages that we associated the word "wedding" with the word "handmade". Don't get me wrong, I love Etsy, and I love wedding inspiration, but I hate the idea that a couple in the midst of the craziness that is wedding planning might see it and feel pressure to conform to the idea of a stylish wedding that nears perfection.

Their advice is a little scary sounding to me:
"Caroline offers advice on how to style your own wedding photo shoot and tips on how to help your photographer achieve the look you've dreamed of."

Honestly, my beef isn't with Etsy. Or even with most of this article. Some of the advice is decent. Being flexible, for one. Good idea. For the most part, my frustration is directed at articles that are worse than this; this one was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Really, it's the articles that make it sound like having a stylized wedding is the only option out there that kill me. W
ho the hell wants to spend the months, weeks, days before their wedding worrying about whether or not their wedding will have been stylized properly so that they get exactly the type of photos they want? Um, not me. Those weeks will be crazy enough without the added stress of trying to make you wedding look like the ones the WIC spits out.

Plus, the thing the WIC won't tell you is that the photos they're showing in shoots like this were set up months in advance. The various components were carefully scrutinized and the details were all meticulously planned.

Hey! That sounds a lot like a wedding! Couples plan, they scrutinize, they work on these details for months too! So what's the difference between the two? Why can't weddings all turn out like these photo shoots if we work hard enough to achieve that result?

Because weddings have real people. And they happen in the blink of an eye. You can't re-do your first kiss 60,000 times until the photo looks exactly how you want it to. There's no do-overs when it comes to the the special moments of your wedding. You can't do them over and over and over again until the photos captured look like a magazine. Well, I guess you can. But you'd be crazy. And where the hell is the fun in that?

Real weddings don't look like this.

They do, however, look like this...

and this...

and this...

... and this.

They're messy, they're spontaneous, they're weird, they're beautiful, they're constantly moving and changing and they won't slow down for you. They won't stay on hold while you make sure your photographer captured the moment exactly as you imagined it.

So do yourself a favor and don't imagine anything.
Okay, that's a lie.
Imagine your wedding until you're blue in the face.

But instead of imagining what the photos will look like and whether or not it'll be blog-worthy, imagine the things that really matter.

Imagine how in the moment you'll feel.
Imagine how surrounded by love you'll be.
Imagine how much love you can spread around to your partner and those who have gathered to celebrate with you.
Imagine the end of the day when it's just you and your partner and you're happy that you had a wedding that genuinely reflected who you are as a couple.

'Cause those are the things you can't capture on film, and that's the stuff that really counts.


Mel said...

Amazing article-- well written, well voiced, and SO DANG TRUE! Kudos to you

SMK said...

great, great post. Thank you...especially as I'm now just 40 some days away and starting to freak out over the tiny little things that I feel like I *HAVE* to do. And desperately trying to remind myself, "No, I don't HAVE to do anything but show up and feel the love from our community and enjoy myself"

thank you!!

SG to SP said...

Great post! I have a blog and I blogged about my wedding therefore my wedding was "blog-worthy"! So what if the only blog it appeared on was my own.

Besides the more blogs or magazines that your wedding appears in the more scrutiny you're opening yourself up to. Who wants that kind of pressure?

Becky said...

Agreed. I got to the point where I unsubscribed from a number of blogs promoting the unrealistic "blog-worthy" weddings. I now have a handful of fabulous ladies I follow who are practical, down to earth and are planning wonderful celebrations of who they are.

Congrats on being one of them :)

Kristy said...

you said it sister!! it is a little disappointing, i know etsy is a business but i always gave them a down to earth persona. reading this i totally agree, and i have a huge sense of relief that i am on the other side of the process now being through with the wedding. it's hard to keep yourself down to earth when you are inundated with so much propaganda, i mean who doesn't WANT to have a pretty wedding? but at what cost? losing site of why youre doing this in the first place and the idea of celebrating with everyone you've ever known and cared about and making sure they have a great time?

Lisa said...

hooray! thanks for posting a picture from our wedding! that was so sweet and thoughtful. i want to stand up and cheer when I read this post! you rock, missy!

Hi-Fi Weddings said...


seriously, this is wonderful! :)

Margaret said...

Absolutely!! My problem isn't with the blogs, the handmade details, the photographers, etc. What bothers me is the intent -- that the idea behind your wedding is to get it published somewhere, that "something failed" if that doesn't happen. Ridiculous. The wedding is such a small, small part of life, of marriage. Focusing that much more *just on the wedding* (and not even the ceremony but the photographable factor), and solely to get it published online, just makes me sad. (though I also know how insidious that pressure is and how tempting to fall prey to).

I think part of the problem is that it does seem quite obtainable sometimes. It's almost worse because of the democratic nature of blogging vs. a magazine spread.

Nicole-Lynn said...

Very well said! :)

Angie said...


And Lisa! That's Lisa and Ry! What a beautiful photo. Well, all of them are beautiful.

I see a lot of articles and sites that shove the handmade wedding idea in our faces. It did for me and finally I had had enough of WIC and BIC and all the nonsense... so instead I made it my own. Will it be blog-worthy? I don't know. I think that term needs to be redefined. Instead of being worthy of the frilly and pretty inspiration sites, I think we should focus on making it worthy for blogs like this one or the one we write for ourselves - one that focus on heart, being practical, being ourselves and just having fun.

Lace.and.Likes. said...

this post is awesome
you are a badass
and thanks for including us in this
you worked hard to make your wedding reflect you and your babe
thats all that matters (and it rocked)

here, here!

Josie ♥ Savoir Weddings ♥ said...

Props to you for saying it like it is. I always remind my clients how important it is not to get totally swept up in blog worthiness. Blogs are great for inspiration but you have to know when the time has come to leave them behind. Because let's face it in 50 years time are you going to care whether your wedding was featured on a blog? Probably not.

Hannah said...

So I kind of think that blog worthy is the new Wedding Industrial Complex and being hip is the new being exactly like Martha Stewart Weddings. Which kind of seemed exactly like what the whole hip blog wedding was suppose to be against.

Carolina said...

Great post! That needs to be said, as many brides feel their wedding has to be picture perfect. Brides need to remember it is their personal style that makes their wedding.

Brooke said...

Well now this is a real amen sister feast. I agree that it is your wedding and that makes it worthy!!!


Gangsta Bride said...

Well said, lady.

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