the WIC at it's best

Although I try my best to avoid reading the articles and advice on The Knot (mainly because they make me feel like my wedding doesn't measure up to the high standards of today's wedding industry), I was checking through some of their photos from real weddings which are a great source of inspiration and ideas, I couldn't help myself and I read one of their newest additions.

Boy, do I regret that decision. The article is called "17 ways to spruce up your site" ... referring mainly to reception venues and it's full of ideas on how to make your reception site more beautiful. Okay, fine, I'm all for decor and a fan of anything fancy. But as I got further into the article, I found myself laughing at their suggestions. I was actually laughing out loud because some of them are so ridiculous. Here's some of the "gems" the article boasts about:

• Carefully conceived lighting will brighten any room -- and give your party a dramatic glow. Hire a lighting designer to focus guests' attention where you want it (on the cake table, off an ugly dance floor). Trust us, it'll be worth it.

• Don't let a brown shag carpet dissuade you from booking your dream space. Hide that floor with ground-sweeping linens. Or cover it with a nice rental carpet, or a rented parquet wooden floor.

• A real detail-oriented to-be-wed will even make over the hallways .... One idea from an actual wedding: arrange huge amounts of tightly packed pansies to line the hallway leading to the bathroom.

• Give bathroom-bound groups something to talk about. The restrooms will need a little attention, but you don't have to go overboard. Think subtle sophistication: A centerpiece-evoking flower arrangement (like bunches of sweet-smelling lavender in small vases or wildflowers bundled in baskets), heart-shape soaps, or monogrammed hand towels will go a long way. Spruce up the women's stalls with antique perfume bottles filled with your favorite scent, or a fragrance reminiscent of your bouquet.

First of all, what the heck is a lighting designer? How does one become a lighting designer? Is there a school of lighting design? And even if such a thing exists, why would you want to spend your hard-earned money on such a frivolous thing. The same goes for "ground-sweeping linens". Nowhere on the internet can I find anything about them. Why would you invest anywhere from $5,000 - 20,000 for a reception venue when you hate the flooring so much you're willing to pay an enormous sum of money to have it covered?

But the last two are the ones that really made me laugh. Just in the off chance your guests aren't happy with your wedding or are bored for the 5 minutes they're in the bathroom, apparently, they're supposed to be greeted by rose petals and perfume. Even more ridiculous is their suggestion that "you don't have to go overboard .... Think subtle sophistication". What is subtle about a petal-lined path to the bathroom, antique bottles of perfume specifically chosen to be "reminiscent of your bouquet" and monogrammed towels?

Monogrammed freakin' towels? This is a joke right? I honestly found myself wondering that. And that's when I realized that I was in exactly that place a month after I got engaged. I was thinking of the most elaborate ways to spend money for almost a month. Until I grew a brain and snapped out of it. But seriously, who needs all this stuff? A wedding is supposed to be about a union. Not about flowers, perfume and ground sweeping linens.

In the months leading up to my wedding, the last thing I need to spend sleepless nights thinking about is my appointment with my lighting designer and how important it is that we chose lighting to compliment every skin tone known to man. If we all spent as much time thinking about how to make a marriage work as we do thinking about the details (which, let's face it, in 20 years will be totally meaningless to us) maybe we wouldn't have such a high rate of divorce.

For more amusement, the full article is here.