Author note: Please be advised that this post, like the last one, does not contain any wedding fluff. There is no mention of pretty centerpieces, lace gowns or menu choices. It's depressing, I know. But that's the kind of weekend I've had, haha. If you're a wedding-fluff-only kind of girl, you'll want to leave and come back some other day when I go back to talking about how in love I am with our wedding. Just sayin' ...
We've all heard the horror stories of the dreaded In-Laws. There's the crazy cord-hasn't-been-cut-yet mother in law who refuses to let go of her son. There's the pervy dad who can't keep his eyes focused on your face. And then there's reality. Hopefully, fiction and reality never match up. But even so, trying to forge a relationship with your partners parents is a tough one. There's tons of pressure attached to it.
Thankfully, Mr. FP and I met in high school so the "meeting the parents" situation wasn't as stressful for us. We had no idea we'd be getting married 6 years from then, so it wasn't a big deal. But since that day, the relationship has definitely been complicated and while my future In-Laws aren't even close to the crazy mom/pervert dad, it's been a difficult relationship to work with. Especially when it comes to balancing it with wedding planning.
Even though my future In-Laws have welcomed me into their family and taken time to get to know me, I'm still not sure I'll ever feel like their daughter. And I think they might expect me to. However, I'm a sensitive, quiet, shy, creature of habit who doesn't stray to beyond the life she's been leading for the past 22 years. And they, well, they're not shy or quiet and the dynamic of their family is very different from that of mine. They talk about everything, we talk about nothing. They're fans of Lebanese and Indian food while my family is a meat and potatoes kind of bunch.
This has been a problem in my relationship with them. They seem to expect something different than what I am. They expect me to show up to every family function. And while I try my best to spend time with his family because it's important to him and well, I'll be hanging with them for the next 60 years of my life, I'm not comfortable with giant groups of people. It's never been easy for me to approach and relate to complete strangers immediately. It take me a lot of time to get to know and be comfortable with people. Which I have been able to do with a few members of his family, especially the local ones.
This is something I think his parents don't understand. Actually, I know they don't understand it because the subject came to a head this past weekend when we had to talk to them about it. We tried to explain that my shyness and reserved nature makes me feel uncomfortable at large gatherings where everyone knows everyone else, but I'm unfamiliar with most, if not all people in attendance. As we tried to explain my shyness to them, his dad made an insensitive joke about
how I "have to show up" at our wedding regardless of how many people I don't know who might be there. Then his mother told me that I don't live up to her expectations of what she thought Mr. FP's partner would be. She thought her relationship with the woman who marries her son would be different than my relationship with her. That hurt. A lot.
I think it's situations like this that prevent me from feeling like their daughter. Hell, forget feeling like their daughter, it's hard for me to even spend time with them when they're making me feel like an idiot for being shy and introverted. While I obviously give some thought to what they think of me, I have the ability to shove off how they feel about me and try my best not to worry about it, but it's Mr. FP I'm most worried about. I don't want there to be tension with his parents because they mean the world to him. But I can't just stop being shy and I flat our refuse to put myself into uncomfortable positions just because of my fear of not living up to their expectations.
Ugh, damn families.
Anyone else have any In-Law troubles? Or have you managed to feel like part of his/her family? Or even better, solve my problem for me! Ha, yeah right. You're not miracle workers.