I have a flaw. Yep, I do. I know. It's hard to believe. But it's a big one. I try to hard to please other people. Ever since I was a kid, I've hating fighting with friends. I hate disappointing my grandparents. I don't like when people don't like me. If you've ever seen the episode of Friends where Monica panics and bends over backwards to please the unhappy mother of Rachel ... yep, that's me. Okay, well, not really. I'm not that Type A. But you get the idea.
I don't deal well with disapproval. And while I have grown and come to accept the fact that not everyone will be thrilled with me at all times, it still bugs me sometimes. I like living up to the expectations of others when I feel as though I can. I'd like to be one of those women who is extremely confident in herself and is able to adopt a universal "screw you" policy when faced with the disapproval of others ... but I'm not one of those women. A lot of the time, yes, I can stand my ground, but when it's my closest friends and family, it's rough.
This issue, as one can imagine, has come to head during wedding planning. I've had to deal with the expectations of other more in the last year a half of my life than I ever thought I would have to in my lifetime. I'm not sure what it is about weddings that makes people feel comfortable to insert their opinions when they're not asked to. This is especially prominent with parents. On my side, we've got a lot of it. My dad's determined to rent a trailer for extra space in spite of the fact that the Mr. and I don't want or need it and my mom doesn't understand the concept of candid photography so she believes only formal photos will do regardless of my passionate love with candid shots. On Mr. FP's side, his mother is persistent in her desire to hijack our rehearsal dinner (because it's traditional for the groom's parents to take care of it) and turn it into a boisterous night out with our entire wedding party as well as all the out-of-town guests (numbering almost 20) even though we want a small, intimate dinner with only the people who need to attend the rehearsal dinner.
And while I would probably try to gain the approval and acceptance of them in any other situation, our wedding has been a whole different story. Honestly, it's issues like these that bring out my inner bitch. And I like it. I find myself freely saying no to things that go directly against our original version for the wedding. I don't understand how people -- even our parents -- can remain persistent in ideas that we've expressed animosity for in the past. It's strange. I thought we were all taught, at some point in our lives, that "no means no". Apparently, weddings clog the ears of those we love the most and make them oblivious to what we truly want and what's really important to us. *sigh* Maybe they'll get the idea some day soon. Even if there's only 115 days left, I'm holding out a little bit of hope. And if not, being a bitch seems to suit me pretty well.