As many of you know from this post, my relationship with my future in-laws hasn't always been the smoothest of roads. Honestly, I thought after the last big conversation we had with them about how we were all feeling about certain things, the drama would be over. But, alas, that does not seem to be the case.
Like I said before, my FMIL has a very strong emotional bond to Mr. FP; she suffers from empty nest syndrome like you would not believe and has always felt as though she's not as involved in our lives as she should be. After we got engaged, I thought this might be a good time to change that. My mom is more of a logical thinker and less interested in the wedding fluff than my FMIL, so I thought the wedding planning would provide us with a good chance to bond.
But since I'm in school, there hasn't been a whole lot of wedding-related activities/outings/planning going on. I mentally plan and have a gigantic folder of wedding inspiration on my computer, but we haven't really had much time for active planning. The stuff that has to be done well in advance (rentals, catering, rings, clothing) is being done, but other than that, we're pretty much waiting until I'm done school in April to get heavy into wedding planning. It's just too much in my head to focus on school and the wedding at the same time. Bride-students, you'll know what I'm talkin' 'bout.
Apparently, this is a big problem with FMIL. She thinks we're just not involving her at all. We asked her to do a reading at the ceremony and I invited her come with my mom and I when I get my dress fitted, but when those things didn't happen in a timely manner, she started getting upset and thinking that we just didn't want her to be involved anymore. This is not true, we just haven't gotten around to them. And although we told her this, she still seems upset.
We're also trying to put down a deposit for the rentals (for which my parents and his parents are splitting the cost) from a company an hour away and she suggested that her and I drive up there so we can sign the contract and she can put down the deposit. Under normal circumstances, this wouldn't be a problem, but I have classes through the week, am currently trying to finish 4 final papers and I have exams in 2 weeks... which means I have zero spare time to drive up there. When we explained this to her, she was upset and said she wouldn't be putting down the deposit until we found time to drive up there with her.
To make matters worse, she seems to have hijacked our wedding rehearsal. She booked it for 8pm without consulting us and plans to invite way all of the out-of-town guests. We wanted something early and something small, as in only the wedding party, our parents, the minister and his wife. Originally, I thought my problem with this stemmed mostly from my inability to give up control and let her plan it, but I soon realized that it wasn't about control. I want our rehearsal dinner to be what we want; to reflect us. And in order for that to happen, it should be intimate and simple. We want to invite the wedding party, enjoy the night with them, and see everyone else at the wedding, but she seems to think that -- since the groom's parents traditionally take care of the rehearsal -- she has total control over it.
I know her hurt feelings about the rentals and desire to control the rehearsal probably originate more so from the fact that she thinks I don't want to spend time with her and her desire to be involved than anything but I'm not sure how to avoid this. I want her to feel involved, but I have no idea how to make her feel involved when we've barely been involved. We do what we can, we discuss our ideas with her and FFIL all the time, so I'm not sure what else can be done. I feel as though waiting until April when I'm done school to involve her in the wedding is our only option, but I don't want to deal with this kind of drama until then. With final papers and exams, the last thing I need is to worry about how upset she is with us.
Okay. Advice. Now. Pretty please.