Monday, June 7, 2010

2am wedding epiphanies

We've been dealing with a lot of opinions lately.
That's one thing you can count on when it comes to planning a wedding: the people around you will always want to give you their opinion. And in the last year and a half, we've gotten tons. Everything from thoughtful to unexpected to just down right rude.

As we get closer and closer to the wedding day (3 weeks from this past saturday; can you believe it? because I sure can't), the opinions of others continue to surface. And let me tell you, it's not fun. Right now, his parents are upset because we took some of their friends off of the final guest list. A mutual friend is upset because we recently informed him that he wouldn't be attending the wedding. One of my aunts continues to express her pessimism that the cottage is a good venue for a wedding.

Thankfully, Mr. FP and I have been on the same page when it comes to dealing with the opinions of others. For the majority of our wedding planning process, we've been arguing with others. In fact, I'd say that 90% of the stress that has come out of the wedding has begun when we try to deal with the opinions of others. Not to say that we haven't argued amongst ourselves, because trust me... we have. But we always seem to be arguing about others when it comes to the wedding. The only major disagreement we've had as a couple has been over the guest list. And with that solidified at this point, everything that is causing us stress now has to do with the opinions of others. When we get stressed about something, we take it out on the person closest so when I'm ticked about something my mom said to me, I take it out on him. It's not right, I know, but it happens.

Originally, I had thought that it was some sort of coincidence that we agreed on most things concerning the wedding. I thought, wow, how lucky are we to have the exact same opinion on almost all aspects of the wedding. In fact, last night at 2am we just laid in bed laughing about how ridiculous it is that all of our stress comes from the opinions of others. During this conversation, I asked him what we would have done if our opinions didn't mesh. He jokingly said that we probably wouldn't be getting married. And this got me to thinking about how the decisions made throughout the wedding planning process often mirror those made in everyday life throughout the relationship. Then I stopped being clueless and realized that it is no coincidence that we agree. Our wedding has been easy to agree on because it is a true reflection of us.

As a frequenter of wedding blogs, I've been hearing for months about how a wedding should really reflect the couple getting married. And although I thought it was a nice concept, I never really understood what it meant. Well now I do. Now I know that a wedding has to reflect the things that are most cherished by the two individuals and them as a couple. And I'm not just talking about the fact that the centerpieces are purple because that's the bride's favorite color or that the groom wear high tops because he's worn them all his life.

A wedding as a reflection of the couple goes way deeper than that. For us, all the stress of dealing with the opinions of others has reiterated the idea that we will always put one another first. Through all the opinions, Mr. FP always considers my opinion above those of his mom or brother or cousin and I do the same.

One of the major reflections of this is the guest list. We've had serious drama about that recently as people have expressed everything from disappointment to outright anger. In spite of this, we continue to keep the list small in order to ensure that it is compiled of people who we truly care about and love. Not to say that the people who didn't make the list aren't loved or cared about by us, but when it comes to one of the most important days of our lives and you throw in the consideration of budget and space, things have to be looked at in a different light.

And although this whole thing has been insanely stressful and difficult... heck, it still is, and it probably will continue to stress us until the wedding is done... it's comforting to have the knowledge that our relationship is secure. It's nice to know that although we may be stressed, we've adopted a sort of "us against the world" mentality in which we can lean on one another and know that the other will always be there.

In no way, shape, or form do I think that we will always agree. Or that we'll go through our entire lives only arguing about the opinions of others. Trust me, we argue plenty amongst ourselves, we don't need any help in that department. But at the end of the day, regardless of what's going on around us, we're still us. And we both still want what's best for us as a couple.

It may be a small comfort but in the sea of drama that is our wedding, I'll take what I can get.


Chocolate Lover said...

It still blows my mind how opinionated people are about our wedding! And it's not even those who are closest to us! Why they feel they are entitled to an opinion is beyond me, but I love how the two of you are dealing with it! As long as you two are on the same page, the arguing will pass. At least that has been our experience so far.

Lisa said...

i love that through the 'sea of drama' you two are getting along so well. how lovely :)

JEM - Aqua Bride said...

Totally agree. When all is said and done, all the drinks and food have been consumed and party has come and gone, it'll be the 2 of you lying in bed every night. well hopefully, ha ha.

Ultimately a wedding is supposed to be the committment of 2 people to make each other happy and that's really what's important.

Miss C said...

It has been said before, but I think if a couple can get through planning a wedding together, they're doing pretty well!

I am not looking forward to the guest list dramas. They are almost a certainty, aren't they? :(

FutureMrsM said...

I just recently started following your blog and I'm excited to read about the last few weeks till your big day. My fiance and I actually just had a conversation last night about shortening our guest list and I am not looking forward to the drama that will follow. Good luck with the rest of your planning :)

Lyssabeth's Wedding Officiants said...

How wonderful that you can take the proverbial lemons and make lemonade! It is the rare couple who don't allow the opinions of others in the wedding-panning process negatively impact their relationship. Good for you. And you are correct--the compatibility you are experiencing now while under pressure is no coincidence. It is, however, a great predictor of the success of your marriage.

Nicole-Lynn said...

I completely agree! I'm so glad my fiance and I are on the same page on how to handle our families opinions, friends comments, etc. It really is a true test to how you handle conflict as a couple! :)

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