judgemental judiths

After reading a post from Cupcake Wedding and the comments which ensued, I got to thinking about how much pressure is placed on brides during a wedding.

I know, I know, you're thinking "Well, duh, of course there's tons of pressure! It's a wedding!". But hear me again: think about how much pressure is placed on brides during a wedding. Not the couple, the bride.

As Cupcake discussed the aesthetics of her wedding, I got to thinking about how worried I am about the aesthetics of ours and how judgmental will be. Like Cupcake says, chances are, the judgement of others will fall upon the bride instead of the couple. As I've discussed before, the all-too-common assumption that the bride is the only one who really cares about the wedding bugs me. A lot. And this is especially true for the aesthetics of a wedding. The majority of people in society assume that the groom had little to nothing to do with the decor selections featured in a wedding. So, if the decors sucks, who do they blame? Yep, you guessed it, the bride.

Coming from a judgmental/gossip-y family, this concerns me. Some aunts have already expressed their resistance to the fact that the wedding will be held at the family cottage. Some have a problem with cupcakes instead of cake. And others are concerned about my desire to do my own hair and makeup. So I can only imagine what kind of crap I'll have to deal with when the wedding actually happens. I can practically already hear the judgments.

On the other hand, Mr. FP remains unaffected by these worries. No surprise there because he doesn't think about things nearly as much as I do. Yet, it's more than that. Even if he were one of those grooms who was concerned with the aesthetics of the wedding, chances are he wouldn't have to hear about it. Aunts wouldn't harass him with questions about decor or wardrobe. People simply don't trace poor aesthetic choices back to the groom.

And it stinks. Because although he's not as concerned about decor as I am, the wedding will reflect joint decisions. Universally so, in fact. I don't think there's been a single decision made that wasn't preceded by a discussion. Hell, I even got his input on what kind of veil I should wear and how I should wear my hair. Does he worry about these things like I do? No. But he was there. He helped make the decision but at the end of the day, he'll be absolved of any guilt.

Thankfully, in spite of a few judgmental family members, our wedding guests will be supportive on the whole. When I was worried about how his family would receive a wedding hosted at a summer cottage, he assured me that they would be thrilled. Similarly, our non-traditional aesthetic choices have been well received on the whole so far. Our invites were a big hit and that gives me hope that we won't have to hear as many complaints as I initially thought.

And as much as I'd like to say that the judgements doesn't affect me in the slightest, they do. Albeit, not enough for me to conform to the standards of traditional weddings by picking a palette of 2 colors, have a traditional cake and stick with traditional decor like flowers and tulle. But still, the worries are there. Although I know it's not realistic, I'd like our guests to love our wedding as much as we do. I'd like them to enjoy the day and forget about the colors, the decor and the location. *Sigh*, in a perfect world...