Thursday, May 27, 2010

a racehorse for a husband

As I mentioned in my last post, I am a list maker. Lists keep me calm in times of stress because for me, there's something soothing about seeing everything I have to do compiled into a little list. It may only be psychological, but lists simplify the craziness in life. And this has definitely been the case for the wedding. I currently have 4 to-do lists going. They range everywhere from "things to buy" to "things to make" to "things that need to get done this week". It's a finely honed system that I've perfected throughout the insane process of planning final papers and exams for university.

So clearly, I'm a list person.

Mr. FP, on the other hand, is not. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him make a list. Since he went directly from living with his parents to living with me, most of the lists he's been involved in have been made by me. Although he doesn't make them himself, he's an excellent list follower, and I personally believe that it's how he works best. Maybe it's a little of my Type A rubbing off on this 100% Type B man, but he now loves lists. Seeing everything that needs to get done, whether it's the weekly grocery run or a packing list for vacation, seems to help him focus and eases the frustration that comes when things get forgotten.

So, although I never thought I'd be one of "those brides" who assigned her groom with specific tasks, we made a wedding to-do list for him today. Unlike one of "those brides", however, there was a discussion behind the creation of the list and in no way, shape, or form did I simply assign him with things and tell him to go at it. For the most part, the list is compiled of things that he would've been handling by himself anyway. Things like getting a musician, picking up his suit and making sure the guys have something to wear are his areas of expertise anyway. In spite of this, however, many of the things that we knew he'd take care of haven't been getting done in recent weeks.

Yesterday, I realized why.
During one of our many "what has to get done before the wedding discussions", he seems overwhelmed as I brought up things that he's completely forgotten about. Key word being "forgotten". He had every intention of getting this shtuff done but he's a notorious forgetter.

In the beginning of our relationship, I used to think he intentionally didn't do things and simply blamed his lack of productivity on his memory. For a Type A organizer like me, it was impossible to understand how things didn't get done simply because he forgot about them. I mean, HOW could he forget about something critical like picking up some milk on his way home from work?!?

After many incidents and many discussions, I soon realized that we just think different ways. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Well, duh". I know, I know, that's such an obvious conclusion to make. But his unique personality isn't something that I'd ever encountered in my life, or at least, I hadn't encountered it as intimately as I did with him. Looking back on it, I feel insanely guilty for being upset when he simply forgot. And I'll tell you why. With the help of a simply analogy. For me, it's easy to remember all the tasks I need to complete, multitasking comes easy to me.

He, on the other hand, is a racehorse. Like a racehorse with blinders, he sees one thing in front of him and its usually the thing that's most memorable while everything else on the side gets forgotten. I might ask him to stop at the grocery store for milk, the post office for stamps and then to pick up some dinner before heading home. Thus far, you can guarantee that the dinner will be secure and that he'll come home, but I guarantee you either the milk or the stamps will be forgotten. Pick one, any one. It doesn't matter, but it will be at least one. Like a racehorse, he sees what's directly in front of him.

As frustrating as this can be, the solution is simple: give the man a list and he'll pass with flying colors. Don't ask me why it took me so long to realize that this simple rule applies to the wedding as well, because I have no idea how it only happened yesterday. But boy, oh boy, am I thankful it came to me when it did. Because since then, he's been checking off things like a mad man. Which, in the last month (eeek!) before the wedding, is the real blessing in this whole mess.


julie/smartassbride said...

i hate to break this to you... but i think we're marrying the same person.

Bonnie Joy said...

haha yours sounds like mine too.

JEM - Aqua Bride said...

Yeah sounds like my man too. Also another thing is that they don't see things as important as we do. For instance me asking him to change the sheets is not a pressing matter to him. In his mind, he;ll do it at some point. I however want it done now since he's not doing anything but watching TV anyway which he can do while making the bed. sigh... they really are from Mars but we gotta love em.

Miss C said...

Hmmm... I wonder if a list would work for the the Groomie...

Lisa said...

i love this! I am a total list maker but hadn't unleashed it on anyone else before. thanks for the idea!

Claire said...

Sounds like my man too. Bless his heart but he is always forgetting things. I love the list idea. Maybe just maybe my love will be able to remember everything with a list as well.

Rachael Ann Lunghi said...

my mister is EXACTLY like this, except sometimes a list doesn't even help
drives me nuts!
but is also very endearing and humorous at the same time

Anonymous said...

I don't find it a bit funny or charming when they behave like this, it actually really pisses me off.

Because you know what? They're not incapable of multitasking. Men are not stupid. They're not incompetent. They just don't have to remember things like this because they have women doing it for them.

Do you you honestly believe that men are this bad at remembering stuff at work? That they need their boss/colleague to write them a list every morning saying "reply to emails", "take lunch break", "get back on time from lunch break" "prepare for meeting next week" "don't forget to send the document to your the secretary so he can make copies".

No. Men are doing their job, keep running companies, runs most countries and pretty much the whole world.

If it was true that they can't keep three simple things in their memory, oh my god. Really, we must immediately fire all men from important position. For god's sake, we cannot have men running the world if they cannot remember three simple things. Replace them with women, instantly in that case.

No, I don't believe women are better at managing, organizing and remembering things. Men are really capable of doing this outside their home. Which means that they simply feel that they don't have to, because they have a woman reminding them and making lists for them, so they never have to worry their pretty little heads about these things.

Gah, it makes me so frustrated. I refuse to be the project coordinator of our family, I have so much to do at work, I don't need to continue to work when I get home. If he forgets to get the milk, it's not my problems. If we urgently need milk, he'll have to go out again and pick some up. I am NOT getting a salary as his secretary, so I will never act like one.

(this is of course not directed to any of the women commenting above, it's just a frustrated view that it is absolutely not "charming" to be incompetent and incapable of remembering simple things)

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