a racehorse for a husband

As I mentioned in my last post, I am a list maker. Lists keep me calm in times of stress because for me, there's something soothing about seeing everything I have to do compiled into a little list. It may only be psychological, but lists simplify the craziness in life. And this has definitely been the case for the wedding. I currently have 4 to-do lists going. They range everywhere from "things to buy" to "things to make" to "things that need to get done this week". It's a finely honed system that I've perfected throughout the insane process of planning final papers and exams for university.

So clearly, I'm a list person.

Mr. FP, on the other hand, is not. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen him make a list. Since he went directly from living with his parents to living with me, most of the lists he's been involved in have been made by me. Although he doesn't make them himself, he's an excellent list follower, and I personally believe that it's how he works best. Maybe it's a little of my Type A rubbing off on this 100% Type B man, but he now loves lists. Seeing everything that needs to get done, whether it's the weekly grocery run or a packing list for vacation, seems to help him focus and eases the frustration that comes when things get forgotten.

So, although I never thought I'd be one of "those brides" who assigned her groom with specific tasks, we made a wedding to-do list for him today. Unlike one of "those brides", however, there was a discussion behind the creation of the list and in no way, shape, or form did I simply assign him with things and tell him to go at it. For the most part, the list is compiled of things that he would've been handling by himself anyway. Things like getting a musician, picking up his suit and making sure the guys have something to wear are his areas of expertise anyway. In spite of this, however, many of the things that we knew he'd take care of haven't been getting done in recent weeks.

Yesterday, I realized why.
During one of our many "what has to get done before the wedding discussions", he seems overwhelmed as I brought up things that he's completely forgotten about. Key word being "forgotten". He had every intention of getting this shtuff done but he's a notorious forgetter.

In the beginning of our relationship, I used to think he intentionally didn't do things and simply blamed his lack of productivity on his memory. For a Type A organizer like me, it was impossible to understand how things didn't get done simply because he forgot about them. I mean, HOW could he forget about something critical like picking up some milk on his way home from work?!?

After many incidents and many discussions, I soon realized that we just think different ways. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Well, duh". I know, I know, that's such an obvious conclusion to make. But his unique personality isn't something that I'd ever encountered in my life, or at least, I hadn't encountered it as intimately as I did with him. Looking back on it, I feel insanely guilty for being upset when he simply forgot. And I'll tell you why. With the help of a simply analogy. For me, it's easy to remember all the tasks I need to complete, multitasking comes easy to me.

He, on the other hand, is a racehorse. Like a racehorse with blinders, he sees one thing in front of him and its usually the thing that's most memorable while everything else on the side gets forgotten. I might ask him to stop at the grocery store for milk, the post office for stamps and then to pick up some dinner before heading home. Thus far, you can guarantee that the dinner will be secure and that he'll come home, but I guarantee you either the milk or the stamps will be forgotten. Pick one, any one. It doesn't matter, but it will be at least one. Like a racehorse, he sees what's directly in front of him.

As frustrating as this can be, the solution is simple: give the man a list and he'll pass with flying colors. Don't ask me why it took me so long to realize that this simple rule applies to the wedding as well, because I have no idea how it only happened yesterday. But boy, oh boy, am I thankful it came to me when it did. Because since then, he's been checking off things like a mad man. Which, in the last month (eeek!) before the wedding, is the real blessing in this whole mess.